I See and Hear Actual Events During my SP

by La'Tasha
(Magnolia, MS)

My SP episodes started around 5 or 6. I had caught a virus and was very weak. I was so weak, I had to be carried from one room to another. My father laid me down on the floor so I could be cool. It was there I had my first episode. I could no longer talk, flinch, or grunt. I felt like if someone would just touch me I could move. I stayed that way for what felt like forever. It ended when my father scooped me up minutes later.

The next episode happened when I was around 12. I woke up before school and couldn't budge. I panicked at first, but it didn't help. I could move my eyes and even blink but nothing worked. I could see my bedroom clearly and hear my father scurrying in the other rooms. I calmed down and focused on my foot. I made it move then it broke.

In high school the episodes got worse. I fell asleep a lot in my classes because of my lack of sleep. But I only had episodes in one class. If I dozed off 5 times in the class, I'd have an episode 5 times, everytime harder and harder to break. I eventually had to focus on bigger parts of my body to break it. I had to make my head move very quickly for it to work. I dropped that class and didn't have another episode until after college.

I began working at a prison on the graveyard shift. The episodes became violent and more exhausting. I fell asleep while at my post one night. I remember fighting to stay awake but it felt as though something was drawing me into a deeper sleep. I fought to break the paralysis and felt again I would die if I quit fighting. I awoke out of breath and not remembering any events that had happened in the last 40min. I had taken notes, made radio calls, and phone calls. The handwriting was not mine.

I became very ill once while working there. I had to leave work for several weeks. During that time I was on strong medication which made me drowsy, but I could not rest. Every time I tried to sleep, I had a paralyzing episode. I was so weak and it became harder and harder to fight to break the attacks. I felt as though I would die if I gave up. When I regained my energy the attacks weren't as strong. Now I fell my attacks before they happen and have to get up and walk before I can lie back down. How do you guys fight your sleep paralysis?