Sleeping Beauty And A Sexomniac

(Seattle WA US)

I sleep like a rock. I work 6 days a week and usually fall asleep within seconds. I can usually remember at least part of one dream per night and I know I have a healthy R.E.M. Sleep.

My fiancé doesn't sleep well at all. He has a hard time falling asleep and needs cartoons on (which drives me insane because I like it dark). If he does have a dream it is always a nightmare and he wakes up screaming. (He has PTSD as well).

Anyways, we have been sleeping together for 5 years. I often wake up to being touched/fondled, or more commonly to intercourse, or wake up aroused after the fact (which sucks because I slept through the whole thing!).

He is usually really gentle but sometimes very aggressive and vulgar. He never remembers in the morning. That is the frustrating part.

I used to get angry about the situation thinking he was violating me on purpose because I was asleep then saying he didn't remember in order to get out of trouble. I would tell him "I don't care if you remember or not, if it's non consensual it is rape." But if you think about it that way, he is raping himself too, because he really has no clue what he is doing.

Sometimes he will be talking and I will think he's entirely awake and I will participate and we have a great sex but he doesn't remember that in the morning either. So whether I'm conscious during the deed or not, he can't be held accountable for it because he doesn't realize he's even doing it unless I tell him it happened again. And he always feels bad.

I don't hate having sex, when he wakes me up I don't stop it, just lay there and wait for him to finish and fall back asleep. I just feel bad about the situation and wish there was a way to make him remember.