Sleep Deprived For 40 Years

by Carol
(Canada)

I've had insomnia since I was 20 years old. I could never manage to fall asleep before 4 or 5 a.m. My alarm would go off at 7:00 and I would get ready for work and then struggle to get through the day on 2 or 3 hours of sleep.

I was so tired in the afternoons that I sometimes fell asleep (only for a few minutes) at my desk. After work I would go home and try desperately not to fall asleep after supper, because if I did, I knew I would be wide awake for the rest of the night.

So...my insomnia continued throughout the years. I managed to get caught up a bit on the weekends (although not always). I was so exhausted all of the time, but no matter how tired I was, my body simply refused to let me sleep for more than a few hours. In my 40's I finally persuaded my very reluctant GP at the time to give me a prescription for a sleeping medication.

Since then I've been on and off more sleep meds than I can count. Trouble is, they always stop working after awhile, and trust me, they are not the answer. Now that I'm no longer working (I retired a few months ago), I thought perhaps sleep would come easier, but it hasn't. I still can't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning (I'm typing this at 4:00 a.m.), but at least I no longer have to drag myself into work.

The frustrating thing is, I can still only sleep for 3 or 4 hours. My body won't let me sleep any longer than that. All of this has made me extremely depressed and anxious and I finally sought the help of a therapist, who determined that I have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. His advice was to sleep whenever I am sleepy. I do that sometimes, but I still can't seem to get more than a few hours. So my insomnia continues as it has for my entire life.

At this point I think I will just have to live with continuous sleep deprivation. But it's a horrible thing to live with and it's making me old before my time.