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8 Yr Old Son Won't Go Off To Sleep On His Own

by Josie
(England)

My son has never seemed able to settle himself off to sleep on his own. As a baby he was rocked or cuddled or fell asleep whilst being breastfed. As a fulltime working parent i did what i could to get him to sleep, so i am aware that I am to blame. As he has got older I always put him to bed and stayed with him until he was asleep, and if he woke in the night, I would get into bed with him..to settle him quickly and to be able to function at work the next day.


He is now coming up to 8 yrs old, and still not able (or wanting) to go to bed on his own. If i stay in his room then it could be anything from 10 mins to over an hour until he falls asleep. I have tried putting him to bed later, but still the same. I have tried reasoning, reward charts, withdrawal of toys etc, shouting.

When we discuss the issue (outside of bedtime) it seems to be lots of excuses, dont like the dark..he has lights left on..he isn't tired, he has nightmares, so and so at school told him x x x ie, burglars.

He seems to be getting worse..if anyone has any suggestions (rather than pointing fingers of blame) i would appreciate it, many thanks, JE

Comments for 8 Yr Old Son Won't Go Off To Sleep On His Own

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Jun 08, 2016
 You just told my story NEW
by: Lisa

I don't know when you posted this, maybe it was years ago and if so, please tell me that you got through it! Same story for me, the baby art all the way until now, 8 years and still lying with him and him not able to fall asleep on his own. Still night wakes too and comes into my bed. I got something to try from a psychologist called a fear ladder. I'm encouraged to work on this with my son to set some goals, this involves a timer or clock so he knows how long he's been trying, this involves me being loving and willing to set aside my whole night every night for as long as it takes to work on this with him. i keep putting it off because i don't have time to deal with it...but then when it's one of those evenings that he just won't fall asleep and i've been laying there with him for what feels like hours, i get really really upset. I could have done two loads of laundry and washed the dishes, made lunches, taken some time for me, but instead i'm just stuck in that room like a hostage. It has truly been a living hell of my own making. Right now as we speak it's 11:45 and i gave up lying with him at 9:45, my son has been up and out of his room every 5 minutes since i left the room. I have nothing to offer you except to tell you that you are not alone.

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